Monday, August 30, 2010

The Bench

There's this bench right outside of the home. It's just your basic wooden bench. It looks like it should really be in a park somewhere, but instead it's been placed right there on a single section of sidewalk overlooking the road. It's a lonely bench, sitting there all by itself with no other benches around. I think that whoever designed the bench layout did that on purpose, though. It's a big enough bench to seat about three people comfortably, but it's a small enough bench to allow one person to sit and avoid having other random people sit down. Sort of like those awkward blocks of three seats on trains and buses. If you sit on one end, someone can sit down in the other empty end seat without intruding on your space. However, if you sit in the middle seat, most people will choose to sit elsewhere because taking either end seat would be cramping your space.
Irma is a huge fan of the bench for this reason. She heads out around the same time every day. She usually plops herself down at about four o'clock in the afternoon and sits there for a good hour until dinnertime. I get the feeling sometimes that she used to arrive at the bench at exactly four o'clock on the dot every day before I started coming around. I can tell because she glances at her watch a couple times before we go outside and sometimes she'll look down at it at exactly 3:59 and then look at me to see if I noticed the time. If it looks like I know what time it is, she'll start to fiddle around with things or pretend to tidy up her room for a couple of minutes. Then she'll casually walk out and I'll follow her outside and we may arrive at the bench at 4:02 or sometimes 4:08 if she's really feeling aloof.
Once we get to the bench she sits down in what would be the "middle seat" and proceeds to spread out all of her belongings so that the rest of the bench is basically taken up. She doesn't even have that much stuff with her usually, just her bag and maybe a sweater or an umbrella sometimes, but somehow she manages to position everything just right so that no one else can sit without feeling crowded. That includes me.
I usually just sit down on the grass or lean against a lamp post. I don't really mind. It's actually a pretty pleasant hour out of my day. Irma never talks to me in a conversational way when she's sitting on the bench. She mostly just sits there and watches the road. Occasionally she'll close her eyes for a few minutes but when she opens them, she's always staring straight ahead at the road. I tend to spend the time getting lost in thought. I don't really know what she thinks about.
It's hard to tell with older people, sometimes. I've heard people compare the elderly to infants, exemplifying some sort of circle of life, and it does make me wonder. Does she think the same thoughts that I would think? Does she ever wonder how many more calories you would burn if you chose to skip instead of walk for the rest of your life? Does that voice of thought in her head sound any different than it did when she was my age?
Does she sit there and ponder the meaning of life, or does she spend her hour trying to guess what they'll serve for dinner?

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Some Stuff About Bubbles (Part 1)

I like to blow bubbles while standing just around a corner. This way, they will float around the corner, out of my view. It's not that I don't want to see the bubbles, it's just that I want other people to see them. And not see me.
I like to hear little kids shriek and older people laugh. I like to see small children run around my corner after the bubbles and find me with my bubble wand... it makes me feel like the Wizard of Oz when the curtain is opened on him. Like a secret creator of happiness.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Jump!

What would happen if every single (able) person on earth jumped at the exact same time? Would the earth move upon landing? Would it create earthquakes? Would it topple buildings?
What if just all of New York City jumped? Would it affect anything at all? Would floors of apartments come crashing down from the impact? Would it cause cars to swerve? Would people in New Jersey feel it?
But even if nothing happened physically, what a sight that would be! Imagine, a single moment in time when every single person on the planet would be suspended in midair.
I remember a year or two ago, there was a Facebook event that attempted to get everyone in New York City to flush their toilet at midnight on a specific date. Of course, it was bound to fail due to the fact that not all New Yorkers would receive the message and that a good number of those invited would decline or simply forget to flush (like I did...).
But it was still exciting.
The idea was exciting.
No one knew for sure what would happen because it had never really been done before. Could New York's sewage system handle it? Would the city flood? Would some toilets fail to flush as a result?
We'll probably never find out what would happen.
But I do hope that someday, maybe in my lifetime, the whole world will work in unison. The actual task wouldn't even matter because even if it was as simple as jumping, it would be undeniably amazing.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The Bathroom

If I had to make a home out of any single room in a house, it would have to be the bathroom. The bathroom is the single most useful room in the house and I think that it's secretly everyone's favorite...
Look, if you simply purchase a mini fridge/freezer and a hot plate, you're totally set. You've got running water from not one, but two (or sometimes three) sources and you've got electricity.
Now ideally if I had to set up residence in a bathroom, I'd like to have a bathroom that has a shower and a bathtub separately (and a Jacuzzi, but it's not entirely necessary... but it would be pretty sweet.). This way I could reserve the shower for all bathing purposes and keep the tub set up as a bed.
If you've ever passed out in a bathtub or just slept in one because you thought it would be fun, you probably know that it's really not the most comfortable experience.
But I've got it covered.
Just pimp that tub out! All you have to do is stack foam mats (Tempur-pedic, waddup!) up in the tub to fill it in or use pillows or whatever you want. Personally, I'd probably try to get a small waterbed mattress to fill the tub with just to be ironic.
Note: This would probably be an issue for taller people because they might not fit into the tub comfortably, but we're talking about me and I'm small so it works out.
Then I'd just get a power strip plugged in and I'd be able to hook up my snow cone maker, my bubble machine, and a sick sound system (because the bathroom is the best place to jam out).
So the bathroom has living potential, but why not the kitchen or the bedroom? Well, that's simple... the bathroom is simply more awesome.
Think about it-- where do you do the best thinking? Where does your singing sound the best? Where can you read in peace? Where can you doing anything in peace? Where can you relax in a mass of bubble bath by candlelight? Where does the lighting bring out your natural glow? Where do you feel the freshest?
The bathroom.
In short, the bathroom is a wonderful place. It's clean and bright and it can make you feel like you're living in a Roman palace... or bath house.
Really, I can't think of a better room to live in. There would be no waiting to pee and no yelling at someone else to get out of the shower. It's always a comfortable temperature and it's never too noisy or too quiet.
Also, no one would ever question your personal hygiene.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Solitaire

Irma let me into her room to play solitaire. As I entered, Agnes was already being kicked out. She motioned to a corner and I sat down with a lonely deck of cards, as she assumed the opposite corner. We sat there playing by ourselves for about an hour. I kept on looking up at her and watching that look of intense concentration on her face. Game after game went by. Not once did she look up from her cards and not once did she acknowledge me. Yet somehow I felt as if she was silently appreciative of my presence. I guess solitude requires good company.

Monday, August 2, 2010

A Word Of Wisdom (August 2, 2010)

It would be tragic if humans had been given the same brains but no opposable thumbs.