60%

Let me tell you something about flat seltzer: It has more emotion than your normal water. The tap water, it’s got stuff in it, sure, and the bottled water, it’s pristine and all of that. But that flat seltzer is so much more. It’s naked and vulnerable. When all the bubbles are gone, no one wants it. It feels abandoned and useless, like a singer whose voice has been lost. It’s felt joy and it’s experienced loss. It’s brimming with insecurity as it sits in the fridge waiting for someone to unscrew its cap and hear that painful silence where a fizzing used to be.

Don’t pour it out! Devour its flatness, feast upon its shortcomings, absorb its essence! You see, everyone forgets that seltzer is still water underneath all the razzle dazzle.

My water needs character; it needs emotion! I’m 60% water— that’s more than half of me! How can you have 60% of you be soulless?

That’s just no way to live.